I Embrace My Cheat, Bitch, Liar and Unethical Self

Dec 8, 2011 by

I would like to take you on a journey into the exploration of my ‘not so nice girl’ Brenda. Some of you know me and I guess people have called me ‘nice’. They sometimes comment on my smile or that I am happy all the time. I receive that!! However, what this NICE label has stuck me with is…that  I have had to judge  if everything I do is fair, kind and honourable. (Insert finger in mouth- Gag) I have this toxic pride in taking the high road. (GAG) In the last month I have embraced my cheat, bitch, liar and unethical being. In doing this I have not received the pats on the back from friends or the admiration from those that look up to me. It has been totally freeing.

I have had about 3 weeks where I have refused to doubt myself. “I don’t know” does not exist in my universe. When I have an awareness I courageously  embrace it and expand even more of my knowing. If I perceive the judgements of others around me I am crystal clear that they are not mine. This truly has been a liberating experience.

Every choice that I have made, I  ask the question “would this contribute to my life? Or would  this be fun?” The fun question really does propel me to be the cheat and the liar. I have unplugged from the reasons and justifications for the choices that I am making.

I know you may want to know what I was cheating and lying about. Well, first I have refused to pay rent on this space that I am contracted to pay for one more month. Legally, the owner can litigate and win, however, I think it would be fun to be the bad ass. Yes there are reasons and justifications and I am sure I can convince you that my refusal to pay is just and right. It really doesn’t matter. I am standing in this “CONFLICT” with total awareness and presence and really having fun at seeing the change that it creates. Good or bad; It isn’t charged. That is what surprises me. It is just fun.

I also have bent the rules with the hope of getting away with it. This second thing is with an organization that I totally love and honour but I am bending the rules and standing in the energy of whatever comes up. What I realize throughout all of this is that I have not been willing to choose for me. I have been taking the high road or honouring someone elses point of view as greater than my awareness without even recognizing it. I am willing to totally receive the judgement from both of these stories. What’s it going to take to never  doubt or judge me ever again? Even if my choices upset others, justifiably or otherwise.

How much judgement do you cover yourself in with every choice you make?

Would you be willing to stop judging anything that you do?

Brenda

 


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1 Comment

  1. WOW, What if we could be totally naked with our vulnerability? What energy could you have availiable to you if you didn’t hide?

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